


Birthday Blues

by Hey Future Fish (PoisonedDeath)



Series: Trans Setter Squad [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Character, Angst, Chatting & Messaging, Crushes, Pining, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 20:46:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7546881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonedDeath/pseuds/Hey%20Future%20Fish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tooru tapped his fingers on his legs, waiting for someone - anyone - to wish him a happy birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birthday Blues

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this yesterday, but i was too tired to edit it, so it's a day late. oops. also, i was originally going to write something fluffy, but here's angst instead.
> 
> i was going to finish it today, but i've got to head out in a minute, and i didn't want it to be any later, so i'm posting the fist half now!

Tooru tapped his fingers on his legs, waiting for someone - anyone - to wish him a happy birthday. It had just turned midnight, and the brown haired boy was already as impatient as ever. Iwaizumi didn't usually text him at this kind of time unless it was important - which it is, Tooru thinks - but he was hoping for some kind of message anyway. For all of his false confidence and exaggerated attempts to attract attention, Oikawa Tooru was, in fact, afraid. He was afraid of being left behind, of failing, of not being good enough, and only Iwa-chan knew that that was the truth behind the setter's bravado. Tooru needed validation, and five minutes into his birthday - a day specifically for him - he had none. He knew he was going to overreact - probably already was overreacting - but what could he do? He only needed one person to show to him that they cared - that wasn't asking much, was it?

He was sitting, cross-legged, on the floor, with his phone balanced on one leg, willing it to vibrate. He wanted to go to sleep, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to. He toyed with the idea of dropping a message in the setters' group chat, but he couldn't bring himself to, all too aware that he'd feel that he'd forced them to say something. He wanted true recognition, and he felt pathetic for it. He rested his head on the wall behind him and closed his eyes, hoping that the clock would change numbers at a higher speed if he wasn't looking. With a sigh, he opened his eyes and stood up, letting the phone drop to the floor, before making his way over to his selection of DVDs. He wasn't sure what to watch, torn between rewatching an old volleyball game, or rewatching one of his many space-themed movies.

Eventually, he picked up a volleyball DVD - one featuring his own team - and slipped it into his computer. He watched closely, as analytical and observant as ever as he picked up good plays - ones that the team hadn't been using recently - and ones that didn't work at all. A sense of calm fell over him as the time passed, and he lost himself in the game that was unfolding in front of him - one that he could only just about remember playing in. A feeling of longing crept into his chest as the game came to an end - a mix of nostalgia and need to have the volleyball in his hands, to set, to win. He turned off the computer and, in the dark room, fumbled to find his phone. He unlocked it and for a moment considered sending a text to Iwaizumi. But he knew all of Oikawa's tactics, could read him like a book, and as much as it was usually somewhat useful to have his best friend use methods that stopped Tooru from doing things he'd regret, Iwaizumi was too forceful about it. The setter was feeling a little too sensitive, a little too afraid. He'd been doing well lately - he'd been so stable, had been coping so well. This was just a bad night, he reminded himself, and he'd survived far, far worse. He would be okay. But he wasn't okay, not at that moment, so he impulsively opened the group chat. It was late, but he knew that there was a chance that a certain silver-haired setter would be online - Oikawa couldn't work out their sleeping pattern, but from what he'd observed, it included minimal sleep.

 **EXTRAterrestrial:** hi hi

 **Sugacube:** oh, hey, oikawa  
kageyama's not online if you wanted them

 **EXTRAterrestrial:** its fiiiine just cant sleep

 **Sugacube:** have you actually tried?

 **EXTRAterrestial:** well no but im in a bad mood

 **Sugacube:** do you want to talk about it?

Tooru stopped and stared at his phone. If he was vague, then maybe, just maybe, he could get away with it. He didn't have to mention his birthday - that way he wouldn't be forcing Suga to say anything. But, even if Suga did work it would, Tooru knew that they wouldn't say anything. Suga's trustworthy, he reminded himself, and he was almost certain that the other setter wouldn't judge him. From just messaging each other in their group chat, Oikawa had been able to see just how patient and caring Suga was. Refreshing, indeed. He could open up - he'd done it before, right? And Tobio-chan had proved to be a good secret keeper too... but what if they used it against him? What if they took advantage of his weaknesses? Tooru considered sending the message privately, to just Suga, but then wouldn't that be weird? But, then again, why would it be weird? It was only weird if Oikawa let it become weird. Biting his lip, he typed the message into the group chat and tried his very best to steady his breathing as his heart hammered against his ribcage.

 **EXTRAterrestrial:** i just have times where i feel like people dont really like me  
im sorry its personal i shouldnt be dragging you down forget it

 **Sugacube:** no, no! don't apologize - you sound like kageyama  
apologizing when there's no need, i mean  
but i care about you - i can't speak for anyone else, but i care

 **EXTRAterrestrial:** thanks  
tobio-chan willget mad if they think im like them tho haha  
im going to try to seep  
niiiiight

He promptly put his phone down, releasing it from his hands shaking and pulled off his black binder before getting into bed. He had some validation, and that would have to last for now. But, deep down, he couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right. Why had he trusted Sugawara? Why had his trust for Sugawara been strong enough to override the power of his pride - especially when Tobio-chan's involved? Why was he so relieved that Sugawara - kind, gentle, refreshing Sugawara - cared about him? He knew the answer, and he let out a laugh that quickly turned into an almost-sob. _Sugawara already has a boyfriend - they don't need you_ , his brain echoed and Tooru allowed himself to cry. He hated his birthday already.

**Author's Note:**

> happy (late) birthday, oikawa <3


End file.
